IMming in the Star Wars Universe
by simply-dazzling001
Summary: What happens when the Star Wars characters participate in online chats? Featuring: Han Solo in yoga class, Darth Sidious on YouTube, Boba Fett's secret hobby, and the truth behind the destruction of Alderaan. Very funny! Read and review, please!
1. Woman Issues

**Author's Note: I do not own Star Wars. **

Chapter One: Woman Issues

Luke: farm_boy

Leia: your_HI!ness

Han: NOT_a_nerfherder

**farm_boy has logged on**

**your_HI!ness has logged on**

farm_boy: Hi Leia!

your_HI!ness: Hey Luke!

farm_boy: How's it going?

your_HI!ness: …

farm_boy: What??

your_HI!ness: ….

farm_boy: ….

your_HI!ness: *angry glare*

farm_boy: What? What'd I do??

your_HI!ness: "How's it going?" ?????

farm_boy: Um, how…are…you…doing?

your_HI!ness: Luke, you're talking like we're old friends or something.

farm_boy: We……… aren't…….. friends……….?

your_HI!ness: *sigh* We're SIBLINGS. The least you could do is act more brotherly.

farm_boy: . . .

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged on**

NOT_a_nerfherder: Yo Luke! Yo Leia!

your_HI!ness: . . .

NOT_a_nerfherder: Well, "dot dot dot" to ya, too honey!

your_HI!ness: Why do I even bother?

**your_HI!ness has logged off**

NOT_a_nerfherder: What was THAT all about?

farm_boy: Idk. Leia says I'm not acting "brotherly" enough.

NOT_a_nerfherder: Really? That's weird. She says I'm not acting "husbandly" enough.

farm_boy: Is that a word?

NOT_a_nerfherder: who knows? I'll bet she could MAKE it a word if she wanted to, our little _princess_.

farm_boy: You say that like you hate her.

NOT_a_nerfherder: …

farm_boy: awkward silence….

NOT_a_nerfherder: ….

NOT_a_nerfherder: Do I really sound that way?

farm_boy: Er, kinda…yes.

NOT_a_nerfherder: . . .

NOT_a_nerfherder: In that case, I think I'll go by my _lovely_ wife some flowers.

farm_boy: You do that, Han.

NOT_a_nerfherder: Hey kid, thx.

farm_boy: No problem.

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged off. **

farm_boy: LAST WORD OF THE CHAT! YES!!

**farm_boy has logged off. **

**Aw, poor Leia. Hope she likes those flowers. Read and review, please :] And by the way, yes, I know that husbandly is a word. Thanks! **


	2. Jedi?

Chapter Two: Jedi?

**Author's Note: I do not own Star Wars. Thanks to jedigal125 and Jedi Master Misty Sman-Esay for reviewing! And actually, as you will see from this chapter, I'm kind of skipping around. Han and Leia are married, and Leia and Luke know they're twins, but some of the events I sort of mixed up. Sorry for any confusion :] I'm going with the "this is fanfiction" excuse, so forgive me for not staying loyal to the movies and books :] And now…..on with the show! **

**Vader: Heavy_Breather123**

**Random Stormtrooper Commander: TK-421**

**Mysterious Person…. : LIL_RED_JEDI**

**HEAVY_BREATHER123 has logged on.**

**TK-421 has logged on.**

**LIL_RED_JEDI has logged on.**

**LIL_RED_JEDI has logged off.**

Heavy_Breather123: ….that was odd. Anyway….

Heavy_Breather123: Commander, are the secret plans in the safe?

TK-421: Yes, sir, we have then stored in your shuttle in hangar bay 501.

Heavy_Breather123: Brilliant!

LIL_RED_JEDI: OMJ, HI!!

Heavy_Breather123: ….

TK-421: ….

LIL_RED_JEDI: HI!!!! *squeal*

Heavy_Breather123: Who are you?

LIL_RED_JEDI: Well, I-

TK-421: What's OMJ?

LIL_RED_JEDI: OH MY JEDI!!! :-D

Heavy_Breather123: …

Heavy_Breather123: Are you a Jedi??

LIL_RED_JEDI: Maybeeeee……..teehee.

Heavy_Breather123: What is your location?? The Jedi MUST be eliminated!!

LIL_RED_JEDI: Umm…er…

Heavy_Breather123: WELL??

LIL_RED_JEDI: umm….Alderaan?

Heavy_Breather123: A-ha! You Jedi scum…Commander! Set course for Alderaan!

TK-421: Yes, my lord.

**TK-421 has logged off.**

**TK-421 has logged on.**

TK-421: Course set, my lord.

Heavy_Breather123: EXCELLENT!!! CUE DRAMATIC MUZAK!

TK-421: …

LIL_RED_JEDI: …

Heavy_Breather123: WHAT?

TK-421: Um, sir, we're in an online chat room. I can't play music here.

Heavy_Breather123: I WANT MY DRAMATIC MUZAK!!!

TK-421: OK! Ok, um…..

LIL_RED_JEDI: er, music is spelled music.

Heavy_Breather123: JEDIIII!!! STAY OUT OF IT! MUZAK!

TK-421: DUN DUN DUN DUN DAH DUN DUN dAh Duunnnnnnn……

Heavy_Breather123: *cackle cackle* MWA-HAHA-BWA-HA-MWA-HAA!!!!!!

TK-421: OOh, I love the new evil laughter, sir. Have you been working on it?

Heavy_Breather123: As a matter of fact, I have. Thank u for noticing. Now then, distance to Alderaan?

TK-421: We're in range, sir.

Heavy_Breather123: Excellent. You may fire at will.

TK-421: Right away, my lord. And LIL_RED_JEDI -person? You might wanna run.

LIL_RED_JEDI: Huh? Oh. Uh…sure?

Heavy_Breather123: *more cackle cackle*

LIL_RED_JEDI: Wait a minute, did I say-

TK-421: FIRE!!!

**BOOM!!!** (Alderaan explodes)

Heavy_Breather123: HAHAHA!!!! Those lousy Jedi will never get in our way again. This day belongs to the EMPIRE!!!!!! *cue evil laughter*

TK-421: Well done, my lord. *cackle*

LIL_RED_JEDI: Hi there.

Heavy_Breather123: …………………………

TK-421: ………………………....

LIL_RED_JEDI: *CACKLE CACKLE*

Heavy_Breather123: …………………

TK-421: ………………….

LIL_RED_JEDI: My work here is done. Later, fellas!

**LIL_RED_JEDI has logged off.**

TK-421: Um, sir? I don't think we hit the right planet.

Heavy_Breather123: I KNOW!!! LOUSY JEDI. GAH. I spent a lot of money on that new laser, too. *sob*

TK-421: No worries, sir. You'll get 'em next time.

Heavy_Breather123: I better.

**TK-421 has logged off.**

**Heavy_Breather123has logged off. **

**Like Vader's screenname? I saw it on StarWarsShop [Yes I am a nerd], on one of the "customizable" options. And…in case you didn't get the "LIL_RED_JEDI" thing….she's basically some Star Wars fangirl who stumbled upon Vader's chatroom, and so she went in and chatted…but she actually had no intention of destroying Alderaan, she just picked a random planet (that was not hers) and said she was on it. So, my take on why Alderaan was destroyed. All because of a little chat room. [Hence my not following the movies] Any more ideas on future conversations? Reviews are always appreciated! :] **


	3. You WHAT!

**Author's Note: I do not own Star Wars. Thanks to everyone who reviewed!! Warning: This chapter is extremely funny (in my opinion, anyway). Read. Laugh. Review! :] **

Chapter Three: You WHAT?!?

Luke: farm_boy

Leia: your_HI!ness

Han: NOT_a_nerfherder

**farm_boy has logged on**

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged on**

farm_boy: Hey Han, so how'd it go with Leia?

NOT_a_nerfherder: Good, I think. She liked my flowers and said "that's better"

farm_boy: Great! So you're more "husbandly" now, huh?

NOT_a_nerfherder: I guess so. I just hope that I can _always_ convince Leia I'm husbandly.

farm_boy: Hear, hear.

**your_HI!ness has logged on**

your_HI!ness: Hi Luke! Hi honey!

farm_boy: Hello, Leia.

NOT_a_nerfherder: Hello, dear.

farm_boy: *smooth…*

your_HI!ness: GUESS WHAT!

NOT_a_nerfherder: What, honey?

your_HI!ness: I've signed us up for couple yoga lessons!!

NOT_a_nerfherder: Well, honey, that's- you WHAT?!?!

farm_boy: LOL!!! WA-HA-HA-HA-HAHAA!!!!

your_HI!ness: YEAH! This'll be great! We can bond in that special couple-y way! Now that you're acting husbandlier, we can do lots more fun activities together!

NOT_a_nerfherder: But- but- but- but- but…

your_HI!ness: Oh honey, come on! It'll be fun! Besides, yoga would be healthy for you. You're starting to lose a bit of your vim and vigor, if you know what I mean.

farm_boy: WAA-HAA-HAHAHA-HAHA-HA!!!!!!!

NOT_a_nerfherder: Are you- are you saying I'm OLD?!?!?!?!

your_HI!ness: Well, no, sweetie, but you could use a bit more…physical activity. Sitting around in the Falcon all day won't do your heart any good, you know.

NOT_a_nerfherder: That is- that is- that is ABSURD! Who gave you the idea for couple yoga lessons?!

farm_boy: um………… Heh. I should go…

NOT_a_nerfherder: LUKE?!?!?

your_HI!ness: Yeah! He said it would be a great bonding activity! We have classes three times a week. It's right in front of that run-down bar you and your buddies hang out at.

NOT_a_nerfherder: WHAT! NO! If the guys see me going into a- a YOGA class, I'd never live it down! LUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

farm_boy: EEK! I need to go….RUN FOR MY LIFE!

**farm_boy has logged off **

your_HI!ness: Oh honey, why ever do you pick on him? He's done nothing but good for you.

NOT_a_nerfherder: must kill Luke… must kill Luke…

your_HI!ness: . . .

your_HI!ness: I'm going to ignore that UNHUSBANDLY comment and suggest you straighten out. Yoga will be good for you. Calm those nerves.

NOT_a_nerfherder: STOP saying that word! Er, _HONEY_. Please.

your_HI!ness: What? Yoga?

NOT_a_nerfherder: AGH! I'm out of here. Um, see you at home…

your_HI!ness: What? Where are you right now?

NOT_a_nerfherder: Err…

**farm_boy has logged on**

farm_boy: He's at the club across the street from that yoga place you were talking about.

NOT_a_nerfherder: LUKE!

your_HI!ness: Thank you, Luke!

farm_boy: No problem, Leia. I think I will go RUN FOR MY LIFE AGAIN!

**farm_boy has logged off**

your_HI!ness: Well! Wasn't that nice of Luke?

NOT_a_nerherder: *grumble grumble* must kill Luke….must kill Luke…

your_HI!ness: Stay there, honey. I'll bring the Falcon, then we can go across the street and get our spiffy new outfits from the yoga class!

NOT_a_nerfherder: OUTFITS?!?!?!?!?! WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your_HI!ness: See you soon, honey!

**your_HI!ness has logged off **

NOT_a_nerfherder: Awh man……………………..

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged off**

**Han. In. Yoga. ULTIMATE HUMILIATION! Hah. I had so much fun writing this. I think it's one of my favorite chapters. What did you guys think? I'm planning a chapter that describes Han and Leia's first yoga class (snicker) so would you prefer it in IM format or regular story format in Han's POV? Review, please! :] **


	4. Recruitment Plan

**Author's Note: I do not own Star Wars. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed!!**

Chapter 4: Recruitment Plan

**Darth Vader: Heavy_Breather123**

**Stormtrooper: TK-421**

**Heavy_Breather123 has logged on **

Heavy_Breather123: huh. No one here.

Heavy_Breather123: …

Heavy_Breather123: Dun dun dun dUn DAH dun dun DA dun……..

**TK-421 has logged on**

Heavy_Breather123: Dun DuN dUN DAH dun dun DUN da dunnn……

TK-421: Um… Am I interrupting something?

Heavy_Breather123: !!

Heavy_Breather123: Sorry. Didn't see you there.

TK-421: I see.

Heavy_Breather123: *Ahem.* Very well.

TK-421: …

Heavy_Breather123: …

TK-421: So….how's your recruiting plan going?

Heavy_Breather123: *sob* It sucks.

TK-421: Sorry to hear that.

Heavy_Breather123: *sob* Today…I went to that manly bar….to pick up some new recruits, and I- I- I- *sob*

TK-421: …Well..this is awkward

Heavy_Breather123: I saw…a very tough, rugged-looking scoundrel of a man, but- but…

TK-421: He wasn't interested?

Heavy_Breather123: Worse! He- well, he was just leaving the bar, and I was about to ask him to join when I realized he was being tugged along by a- a woman!

TK-421: A woman? No offense, sir, but that doesn't seem too bad.

Heavy_Breather123: Well, no, he- he- *sob* walked into a- a-

TK-421: It's all right, sir.

Heavy_Breather123: No, it's- he walked into…a-

TK-421: Yes…?

Heavy_Breather123: a YOGA class! T.T *sob*

TK-421: o.o

TK-421: Yoga…?

Heavy_Breather123: Yes! He looked right at me and dropped his jaw, so I thought maybe he couldn't believe it was his lucky day and he wanted to sign up, or something, but… -sigh- he just walked into that unmanly yoga class. -sigh-

TK-421: It's alright, sir. I'm sure you'll get some new recruits.

Heavy_Breather123: -sigh- I suppose so. It's just…I could've sworn I knew that face somewhere. Tarkin, perhaps?

TK-421: No, I've talked to Tarkin. He does tae-bo, not yoga.

Heavy_Breather123: I thought so. He was just far away, so I couldn't really tell…

TK-421: No worries, my lord. Cheer up!

Heavy_Breather123: Alright. But…I'm beginning to think that NO ONE wants to join the Imperial army! T.T

TK-421: Well, I joined, didn't I?

Heavy_Breather123: So what?

TK-421: …

Heavy_Breather123: …

TK-421: Well, I'll be going, then. Goodbye, sir.

Heavy_Breather123: -sigh- Goodbye.

**TK-421 has logged off**

Heavy_Breather123: *sniff* Life is so CRUEL!!! *sob*

**Heavy_Breather123 has logged off. **

**Aww, Vader. No worries, he won't go emo on us. :] What did you think? By the way, I still have yet to decide whether to do the yoga chapter as an IM recount, or a "live" regular story format. So far I've got one vote for regular format. Review review review, please!! :]**


	5. Humiliation Beyond Humiliation

**Author's Note: I do not own Star Wars. And now………. The much-anticipated (or maybe semi-anticipated?) Han and Leia's yoga class in story format! **

"Honey, please," Han begged. "I'm plenty fit! Just…don't- don't do this to me. Please."

"Oh, Han, come on, when was the last time you actually exercised?" Leia asked. "Have you ever in your life actually done one sit-up?"

Han was appalled. "Hey! I'll have you know, I was very active even before I met you. Smuggling isn't a sit-down-at-a-desk kind of job, you know."

"Yes, but what about AFTER you met me? Face it Han, we are going into that yoga class," Leia said, rising from her seat in the cockpit of the _Falcon_.

She was wearing black leggings, red leg warmers, sneakers, and a white T-shirt under a blue spandex outfit.

Han was wearing the exact same thing, courtesy of dear, sweet Leia. And Luke. Oh, Luke. He would suffer.

Han slowly rose from the pilot's seat and shuffled toward the door. He prayed that none of his friends would be standing outside the bar that day.

Han cautiously peeked out the window, and saw no one outside the bar, just a couple of junk dealers he didn't know. At least that was _one_ good thing.

Leia grabbed his arm and led him out of the _Falcon_ and toward their yoga class. Han was utterly horrified when he saw the sign over the door.

When he and Leia went to pick up their embarrassing training outfits, Han had kept his head down, eyes on the floor to avoid eye contact with anyone, and to avoid even the slightest glimpse of his future embarrassment.

Unfortunately, he had also neglected to notice the name of their yoga class: **Hubby & Me** Yoga Lessons, as well as their apparent motto: _Get fit. Stay fit. Together, forever!!_

Next to the horrific name, there was a cartoon logo of an overly-peppy couple jogging in place wearing white sweatbands on their head and wrists.

"Holy bounty hunter."

"Did you say something, honey?"

"Leia," Han began, his voice quivering, "We can't go in there."

Leia was not moved. "Oh honey, look at that happy, _fit_ couple on the logo! This is definitely a place for us! We're happy, we're, well, _almost_ fit. That's what we're here for."

Han shook his head mechanically. "I can't- I- I cannot go in there. I refuse to be seen in such a flashy and overly-garish environment."

Leia was surprised, but looked pleased. "You've been using that holo-dictionary I got you, haven't you? See? And I said the exact same thing I'm saying now. That's what this is meant for, we are going to do it, and it is going to help you. Now come on." And with that, Leia grabbed Han's arm, and half-led him, half-dragged him into their class.

_Well, _Han thought, _so this is it. I am standing in a "Hubby and Me" yoga class with my wife and spandex shorts that I haven't worn since I was seventeen. This is lunacy. Absolute lunacy. It can't get much worse than this._

Oh, how wrong he was.

After signing in, Leia took Han into a large, wood-floored room, with a sign on the door that read, _Hubby and Me! Easy as 1, 2, 3!_

Smiling, Leia adjusted her shoes, spun around her sweatbands a couple of times, and began stretching. "Come on, honey, stretch!"

No words could describe how utterly mortified Han was at that moment. He looked around the room, heat rushing to his cheeks, and checked to see that no one he knew was there. He even checked the registration sheets, to make sure that none of the people walking in late would be someone he'd met.

No one was there, just some smiling couples doing flamingo stands and a scattering of couples like Han and Leia: an overly enthusiastic wife and a humiliated, chubby husband who's waist had definitely seen better days.

Slowly, Han leaned over and attempted to touch his toes, his fingers not reaching any further down than his knees.

_Oh, so this is what Leia meant. Man. I really am out of shape._

But the only thing that made that moment worse was that the teacher stepped in and began the class. It was not the fact that Han's humiliation formally began with the first, "Hello Ladies and Gentlemen," although that, too, was bad enough.

It was the fact that Han knew their yoga teacher.

And he was not happy to see him.

**Mwa-ha-ha-haa!!! What did you guys think? So sorry I haven't updated in a while!! But it's the weekend, so that means NEW CHAPTERS! I will have another chapter describing the rest of Han and Leia's yoga class. I'm liking the 'live' story format for this so far, but you guys tell me what you prefer. Any guesses on the dreaded yoga teacher? I have an idea, but if someone suggests an even BETTER idea, I might use it! (And give you credit, of course) So review review, please! :] **


	6. Yoga Teacher Revealed!

**Author's Note: I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS!! Congrats to xoxEdgeHeadxox for correctly guessing the mystery yoga teacher!! Ok, this chapter is extremely, extremely short –I guess you could call it a "filler" chapter, but it DOES reveal the yoga teacher, which is probably why it was so short.**

"Oh my Force," Han mumbled. "Leia, we REALLY can't be here."

Leia stopped stretching and sighed. "Fine. I'll humor you. WHY NOT, Han?"

"Did you happen to notice our instructor?"

Leia turned and saw the man standing in the front of the room, with his back to the class, going over the enrollment list. "Say, he does look a bit familiar…Who is he again? One of your friends from that bar?"

But Han did not have time to answer, because the instructor finally turned around and revealed his face.

"Good afternoon, happy couples. My name is Boba Fett and I will be your instructor for the next few sessions."

**HAHA! What do you think of making the yoga teacher Boba Fett? Not much to review in this chapter, I know, but what did you think of that? Any ideas for what his reaction would be on encountering Captain Solo? More coming soon! :] **


	7. Excuse me?

**Author's Note: I DON'T own the rights to Star Wars. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed!! Sorry it took so long to update! By the way, I realize this chapter is rather OOC, but not to worry, I'll probably continue with regular IM format after this one.**

"Boba Fett?" Leia asked Han. "Say, isn't he a-"

"A bounty hunter??" Han choked out. "He is EXACTLY a bounty hunter, Leia. We need to go. Now. What if he tries to kill me right here? What if he captures me? What a PATHETIC story that would be. 'Boba Fett captured me while I was doing YOGA'? Please Leia, my life depends on-"

But Han did not get a chance to say what his life depended on because Boba Fett had walked right up to Leia. He had been walking around the room, making it a point to shake hands with every one of his yoga students.

When he got to Leia, he said, "Hello, miss, I'm Boba Fett. So what made you want to try out Hubby and Me?"

"Well, my hubby, I'd say. He's not really into this fitness stuff, so my brother suggested we try yoga. This is our first lesson."

"Wonderful! Glad you are making a change for a healthy lifestyle," Boba said, and turned to greet Han, who had turned positively green. Undoubtedly, he was sick at the thought of what Boba might do once he discovered him.

Boba saw Han and said his usual greeting. "Hello, I'm Boba Fett, is this woman your wife?"

Han could not speak, but nodded.

"So you're not into fitness, huh?" Han didn't know what to do, but stood by, now more mortified than afraid, as Boba studied him. "Hm…I can see what your wife means. Well, no worries, you are not alone here."

For one glorious moment it looked like Boba was about to leave Han with that and go to another couple when he decided to mention that he knew EXACTLY who he was.

"Need to work out, right, _Captain Solo_?" he chuckled.

Han was appalled. He worried of Boba capturing him, turning him over to Jabba the Hutt to be his lifelong slave, stranded forever on Tatooine, when instead he laughed at his need for a diet!

More than afraid, Han was angry. "Well, excuse me, BOBA, but at least I'm not some girly yoga teacher."

"GIRLY??" Boba shot back. "Well FORGIVE ME for wanting to be fit and slim, unlike SOME people!!"

"SOME people?? Oh, it's ON, Fett, it's ON."

"You sure you can move those underworked, flabby muscles, Solo? Forced into here by your WIFE? And that spandex??? Shameful, Captain. Shameful."

"At least I HAVE a wife and a real JOB, thank you very much. You have nothing better to do than dance to music that should have been outlawed fifty years ago!"

"You DARE insult the genius of hip-hop??"

"I DARE leave this instant! Good-bye, Boba Fett! I hope we NEVER meet again!!"

"Wait! Come back here, Solo! You still need to pay your club dues!!"

"**_HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**" squealed a loud feminine voice.

Han cringed, his fingers barely on the door handle. Leia or Boba Fett? Han turned to Leia, her face red with fury, then with as much dignity as he could muster, (keep in mind, he is still wearing his ridiculous "fitness" spandex outfit) he opened the door and walked out. Leia might as well have had steam pouring out of her ears as she stomped after him.

**Hah! So much for yoga. What did you think? Review review review, please! :]**


	8. Confrontation

**Author's Note: I ****DON'T**** own Star Wars. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed!! I say this often, but I always love your reviews! Thanks again!!! So, now I'm returning to IM format. I might do regular format another time, so if you want one, please leave a review!**

Luke: farm_boy

Han: NOT_a_nerfherder

Leia: your_HI!ness

**farm_boy has logged on.**

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged on.**

farm_boy: Heh. I, uh, heard about the yoga lesson.

NOT_a_nerfherder: Do NOT talk to me. You're the one who got me into this mess in the FIRST place.

farm_boy: Hey, in all honesty, I never expected the yoga teacher to be Boba, ok? So don't go blaming me for THAT.

NOT_a_nerfherder: No, I WILL go blaming you. How COULD you, Luke??? And those OUTFITS?!?

farm_boy: Well, think about Leia. Have you ever seen her so happy?

NOT_a_nerfherder: HAPPY?!??!?! You should have SEEN the look on her face when I left the class!!

**your_HI!ness has logged on.**

your_HI!ness: Hello Luke.

farm_boy: Hi Leia!

NOT_a_nerfherder: Um, hello dear.

your_HI!ness: -.-

your_HI!ness: Rotten nerfherder.

NOT_a_nerfherder: Um. Hello, dear.

farm_boy: Ah, I see what you mean. Well…I'd best be going now. G'nite.

your_HI!ness: Goodnight Luke.

NOT_a_nerfherder: KID! WAIT!!

**farm_boy has logged off.**

NOT_a_nerfherder: Agh…….

your_HI!ness: HAN SOLO HOW **DARE** YOU DO THIS TO ME?????? TO **US**???

NOT_a_nerfherder: Oh dear.

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged off.**

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged on.**

NOT_a_nerfherder: Hey! What's going on?? Evil computer bug won't let me log off!!!

your_HI!ness: You'll notice I called in a few friends for that. We NEED to talk.

NOT_a_nerfherder: You deliberately made your crazy friends wreck my computer?????

your_HI!ness: WHY did you leave the yoga class? After you saw how mad I was?

NOT_a_nerfherder: Leia, please, Boba Fett was right there, you didn't see what was happening! My life was in danger!

**your_HI!ness has logged off.**

-2 MINUTES LATER-

**your_HI!ness has logged on.**

your_HI!ness: No, I SAW what you were doing. You were in an insult war with our yoga teacher. You are disgustingly immature, Han. Crazy reckless rebel.

NOT_a_nerfherder: BUT I…I…I…

your_HI!ness: I- I CAN'T come up with an excuse?

NOT_a_nerfherder: …

your_HI!ness: Han, you know you will be punished for this.

NOT_a_nerfherder: What! I'm not a child! I'm a free, responsible adult who doesn't happen to appreciate yoga.

your_HI!ness: I refuse to cook dinner for you.

NOT_a_nerfherder: HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR! I **NEED** DINNER EVERY DAY TO LIVE!!

your_HI!ness: False! The human body can function for 5 WEEKS without food.

NOT_a_nerfherder: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LET ME EAT FOR FIVE WHOLE WEEKS?!?!??!!??!?!?!

your_HI!ness: You could always cook dinner yourself.

NOT_a_nerfherder: Is this some kind of dirty trick????? You're trying to get me to do more housework!

your_HI!ness: Also, you will not be sleeping indoors.

NOT_a_nerfherder: THIS IS ABSURD, LEIA! ABSURD!! I'll just stay at Luke's! He's-

Your_HI!ness: Conveniently on vacation for the next five weeks.

NOT_a_nerfherder: …

NOT_a_nerfherder: Boy, you planned everything, didn't you, princess?

your_HI!ness: Instead, you will be sleeping in the storage shed, where we keep the ship parts.

NOT_a_nerfherder: EEK! But there are MICE in there!!!!

your_HI!ness: **DEAL WITH IT!!**

NOT_a_nerfherder: *sob*

your_HI!ness: ALSO…

NOT_a_nerfherder: There's MORE?!?!?

your_HI!ness: Oh wait, that's all.

NOT_a_nerfherder: *sob sob*

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged off.**

**Your_HI!ness has logged off.**

**Hideous_Sidious has logged on. **

Hideous_Sidious: Hah! Stealing the princess's password was the best thing I've ever done! Have fun sleeping in the tool shed, rebel scum! MWA-HA-HA-HAAA!!!!!

**Ooh….can you say plot twist? Review review review, please!! :]**


	9. Sith Lords Unite!

**Author's Note: I don't own Star Wars, YouTube, or the Millennium Falcon. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I'm sorry it took FOREVER to update! I promise they'll come much quicker during summer! But for now, here's Chapter 9! **

Sidious: Hideous_Sidious

Vader: Heavy_Breather123

**Hideous_Sidious has logged on. **

Hideous_Sidious: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAA!!!!!

Hideous_Sidious: MwA-hA-hA-hA-hAa!!!!!

Hideous_Sidious: mWa-Ha-Ha-Ha-HaA!!!!!

Hideous_Sidious: mWa-hA-Ha-hA-HaA!!!!!

**Heavy_Breather123 has logged on.**

Hideous_Sidious: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heavy_Breather123: Um, Master?

Hideous_Sidious: Huh? Oh, hello Lord Vader. You're just in time to join the celebration! Laugh with me, boy! LAUGH!!

Hideous_Sidious: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAA!!!!!

Heavy_Breather123: Ok……BWA-HA-HA-HAA!!!!!!!

Hideous_Sidious: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAA!!!!!

Heavy_Breather123: BWA-HA- wait a second, what are we celebrating?

Hideous_Sidious: I JUST CONCOCTED AN EVIL PLAN USING THIS COMPUTER AND THAT SCOUNDREL PILOT, THE REBEL SCUM!!! AND IT IS WORKING BRILLIANTLY!

Heavy_Breather123: You mean Captain Solo?

Hideous_Sidious: NO! Well, yes, but I prefer REBEL SCUM! It sounds more….scum.

Heavy_Breather123: Right, right, scum. Um, what did you do, exactly?

Hideous_Sidious: I sent one of our spies to that filthy bar he ALWAYS hangs out at. They reportedly found him walking into a yoga class, then walking out with the princess looking like a whistling teapot! Oh, you should have SEEN the look on his face, Lord Vader! HA-HA-HA!

Heavy_Breather123: O.o

Hideous_Sidious: Then, I went ahead and-

Heavy_Breather123: Wait a minute, did you say YOGA class?

Hideous_Sidious: Yes, I know. Those lousy rebels. They have no idea that tae-bo is much more-

Heavy_Breather123: Wait, wait, that was Captain Solo?!?

Hideous_Sidious: REBEL SCUM, yes. Why do you ask?

Heavy_Breather123: He was that scoundrel I saw the other day and wanted to enlist in our army!!!

Hideous_Sidious: What? Lord Vader, why on Hoth would you want to recruit a rebel for our army?

Heavy_Breather123: I didn't know he was a rebel! I thought he was some random tough-looking guy who happened to have an over-controlling wife! I never dreamed it would be Solo!

Hideous_Sidious: Oh. Well, what are you going to do now?

Heavy_Breather123: I will seek revenge! For him not joining our army!

Hideous_Sidious: Well, did you ask him politely? Sometimes I find that if I sound nice enough-

Heavy_Breather123: Of course not! And besides, nice and polite is so last season. BUT I STILL SEEK REVENGE! Let me in on your plan, Master! And together, we shall rule the galaxy as father and son!!

Hideous_Sidious: O.O

Heavy_Breather123: Uh, I-I- I mean, MASTER AND APPRENTICE!

Hideous_Sidious: Brilliant, Lord Vader! MWA-HA-HA-HAA!!!!

Heavy_Breather123: Yes, yes, mwahaha. Now, what have you done with this computer to destroy Solo?

Hideous_Sidious: Well, I didn't destroy him, of course. But I did make his life a bit more inconvenient, if that is the same thing.

Heavy_Breather123: Well, how did you do that?

Hideous_Sidious: First, like I told you, I sent those spies over to that bar, and they informed me of his little yoga scandal. Then, I stole the princess's IM password, which she had written on the inside of her cell when we imprisoned her. I told you it was a good idea to keep a computer in there.

Heavy_Breather123: Yes, sorry, master. I'd never imagined doing so would help us, but go on.

Hideous_Sidious: Well, using the password, I hacked the princess's computer and posed as her. Then I yelled at the rebel scum, who thought it was his wife. I told him that I wouldn't cook for him and that he would be sleeping in that tool shed.

Heavy_Breather123: The one with the mice?

Hideous_Sidious: The very one.

Heavy_Breather123: Excellent plan, Master. Then what?

Hideous_Sidious: Well, I sent that pesky son of yours –no offense– a forged letter from the president of the popular Naboo hotel chain, Naboo Nights, saying that he would be given a FREE 5-week vacation stay at one of the eastern Naboo Nights hotels, if he'd just showed up in their Hoth headquarters tomorrow morning wearing flip-flops, a T-shirt, and large sun hat for their "photo shoot." Naturally, I sent my spies again with a camera, and you should have SEEN how quickly that Jedi packed his bags.

Heavy_Breather123: Isn't it supposed to be below twenty-five in Hoth this time of year?

Hideous_Sidious: Hello, evil genius!

Heavy_Breather123: Right, right…well, what are we going to do now?

Hideous_Sidious: Well, I need you to do one thing first, to set up the rest of our plan. It is absolutely crucial that you do so.

Heavy_Breather123: All right….

Hideous_Sidious: Well, firstly, your computer does have high-speed internet connection, right?

Heavy_Breather123: Fastest in the galaxy!

Hideous_Sidious: Excellent. We'll need it to be quick in order for everything to work properly.

Heavy_Breather123: I wouldn't worry about that, Master. So, what's the plan?

Hideous_Sidious: Have you ever heard of the Earth website YouTube....?

**Cliffhanger! Guesses on Sidious's evil plan? What did you think of this chapter? Review, please!! **


	10. Online and Undercover

**Author's Note: Once again, I do not own Star Wars, YouTube, or a stormtrooper costume. Though I wish I did. Thanks so much for the reviews! I know I say it a lot, but I really love them! Thanks again!**

Vader: Heavy_Breather123

Sidious: Hideous_Sidious

_Hideous_Sidious: Have you ever heard of the Earth website YouTube?_

Heavy_Breather123: I think so. That's the one with the random videos all the Earth humans enjoy wasting their time watching, right?

Hideous_Sidious: Precisely. And we are going to make a little video of our own…

Heavy_Breather123: Brilliant! But of what?

Hideous_Sidious: That rebel scum.

Heavy_Breather123: How will we manage to set up a video that can tape him?

Hideous_Sidious: No need to worry about that, Lord Vader. My spies can go anywhere. All you need to do is take the princess's password and repeat what I say to: NOT_a_nerfherder, the rebel scum. Hurry, open up another chat with him as the princess. I'll go invisible, just to be safe.

Heavy_Breather123: As you wish, my lord.

**Hideous_Sidious has logged off. **

**Heavy_Breather123 has logged off.**

**[AN: Ok, this might get slightly confusing what with two different chats going on, but remember, Vader is talking to Han (as your_HI!ness,Leia), and Sidious is talking to Vader/your_HI!ness. I'll try to title each chat as they switch.]**

**your_HI!ness has logged on.**

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged on.**

**Chat: your_HI!ness to Hideous_Sidious**

your_HI!ness: He's here my lord! What do I say?

Hideous_Sidious: Repeat this: Han, I think we need to talk again.

your_HI!ness: Got it!

**Chat: your_HI!ness to NOT_a_nerfherder**

your_HI!ness: Han, I think we need to talk again.

NOT_a_nerfherder: You're not going to tack on more punishments, are you?? O.O

**Chat: your_HI!ness to Hideous_Sidious**

your_HI!ness: He just asked if I was going to tack on more punishments. What do I say?

Hideous_Sidious: Say: No, no, I just want to talk.

**Chat: your_HI!ness to NOT_a_nerfherder**

your_HI!ness: No, no, I just want to talk.

NOT_a_nerfherder: Ok…

**Chat: your_HI!ness to Hideous_Sidious**

your_HI!ness: Now what?

Hideous_Sidious: Repeat: Han, I think we both know what you did was wrong, but that doesn't mean you can't make up for it. Then when he asks how, tell him he has to continue going to yoga! MWA-HA-HA!!

your_HI!ness: Excellent!

**Chat: your_HI!ness to NOT_a_nerfherder**

NOT_a_nerfherder:….um, Leia? You're taking a bit longer than usual to respond….Everything ok?

your_HI!ness: Yes, yes, um…. Han, I think we both know what you did was wrong, but that doesn't mean you can't make up for it. Then when he- oh. Um, that was wrong, Han.

NOT_a_nerfherder: Oh. Um, well, I'm almost afraid to ask, but- how can I make up for it?

your_HI!ness: Well, you have to continue going to our yoga lessons. MWA-HA-HA!! Um, er, yes, yes. Yoga. You must continue with the yoga lessons. I spent a lot of credits on those.

NOT_a_nerfherder: I thought the Senate offered you free membership…

your_HI!ness: o.o No, I just want you to go to yoga, Han. No excuses.

NOT_a_nerfherder: But Boba Fett!

your_HI!ness: HAN…

NOT_a_nerfherder: If it will really make you happy, fine. As long as I don't have to sleep in the shed. AND I'd like my dinner regularly, too.

**Chat: your_HI!ness to Hideous_Sidious **

your_HI!ness: He said he'd go to yoga as long as he doesn't sleep in the shed and he gets his dinner. Do I agree?

Hideous_Sidious: Drat! I was hoping to put one those womp rat traps on him whilst he was sleeping in there! Oh, well, you can't win them all. Agree to the rebel.

**Chat: your_HI!ness to NOT_a_nerfherder**

your_HI!ness: Fine, fine. But you must go to the yoga class without complaining. Alright?

NOT_a_nerfherder: Sure, honey. Thanks. And anyway, I've got to go work on the Falcon now. Tell Luke to have a nice trip for me, ok?

your_HI!ness: Um, yes. I'm sure Luke will have a VERY nice time. Goodbye, um, _honey_.

NOT_a_nerfherder: :]

**NOT_a_nerfherder has logged off. **

**- End double chat; switch to your_HI!ness and Hideous_Sidious –**

your_HI!ness: I did it, Master! Victory is ours!!

Hideous_Sidious: Excellent job, Lord Vader. Now, get one of our spies and tell him to set up a camera in the yoga class.

your_HI!ness: And then we can expose his un-manliness to the galaxy?

Hideous_Sidious: Exactly. MWA-HA-HA-HAA!!!

your_HI!ness: BRILLIANT! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!

Hideous_Sidious: Now, time for step two. Lord Vader, your high-speed internet will come in handy here. I'll need you to set up two YouTube accounts…

**Dun-dun-dun! Sidious is truly evil, isn't he? What did you think of this chapter? Review, please! **


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